Grab your dancing shoes and a notebook , readers are returning to the 1990s through Hugh Ryan’s new memoir My Bad, where candid queer history, late‑night clubs and an argument for messy, generous relationships come together to explain why those years still matter. The book offers vivid scenes, tough self‑honesty and a fresh long‑tail look at queer coming‑of‑age in the pre‑social media era.

Essential Takeaways

  • Bold memory: Hugh Ryan mixes personal anecdotes with historical perspective to map queer life in the 1990s and beyond.
  • Unvarnished honesty: The memoir treats mistakes as evidence of desire and survival, not merely regret.
  • Polyamory in public: Ryan writes openly about non‑monogamy and the political dimensions of sharing private life.
  • Contextual research: Archival work and queer history give the book depth, offering role models and alternative lives.
  • Accessible format: Available in print and audiobook, My Bad is getting attention from critics and book clubs.

Why My Bad feels like a proper confession and a seminar in one

The opening strike of Ryan’s memoir is its mix of intimacy and scholarship , you can smell the club smoke in his scenes and then pivot to a crisp historical aside. That juxtaposition helps the book avoid nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake; instead it’s an analytic nostalgia, full of texture and a curious tenderness. Critics at outlets such as Kirkus have noted the book’s rigorous underpinnings, while fans on Goodreads praise the frankness of its voice. If you want a memoir that reads like a conversation with someone who both danced and took notes, this is it.

Mistakes, tenderness and rethinking ‘success’ in relationships

Ryan refuses tidy morality plays about love. He frames youthful errors as learning , “evidence” of desire and survival, as another writer put it , and that perspective changes how we value those years. The memoir unpacks how queer people often miss out on adolescent rehearsal for romance that straight peers get, so adult relationships are forged through different, often improvised means. For readers wrestling with their own pasts, the book’s posture is liberating: analyse, don’t drown in regret.

Archival work gave him role models , and permission to be different

One of the book’s quieter strengths is how Ryan’s previous research informs his memoir. Having dug through queer archives for When Brooklyn Was Queer and The Women’s House of Detention, he brings historical examples into conversation with his life. That scholarship helps unpick inherited ideas about gender, bodies and relationships, and frees him to imagine alternative ways of living. It’s a useful reminder that history isn’t remote: it’s a tool for undoing shame and imagining futures.

Polyamory, publicity and politics , why Ryan made his private life public

Ryan describes the choice to speak openly about his polyamorous relationship as political as much as personal. That decision sometimes meant hard conversations at work but also served a broader purpose: normalising non‑traditional households and chosen family arrangements. In a climate where representation still matters, the memoir’s candidness works as activism, showing how intimacy and organising overlap.

How book clubs, Shakespeare and queer theory sneak into the pages

The memoir isn’t only nightclub reminiscence , Ryan brings in surprising threads, from running a Queer History 101 book club to reflections on early modern ideas about gender. Discussing works like Will Tosh’s Straight Acting, he points out that historical understandings of sex and gender shift wildly, which is both humbling and liberating. For readers, those detours are practical: they offer frameworks to talk about identity with nuance, whether at a reading group or over dinner.

Practical tips if you want to read or teach My Bad

If you’re pairing this with a book group, schedule a session on shame and another on archival methods; both come up repeatedly. The audiobook edition is a good option for busy readers who want Ryan’s voice and pacing. And if you’re a writer working through complicated past relationships, treat Ryan’s approach as a model: interrogate, contextualise and be generous to your younger self while keeping ethical clarity about others.

It’s a small change that can make every memory feel a little less heavy and a lot more useful.

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