At 44 years of age, a single gay man has spoken about pursuing surrogacy in the UK with his journey beginning as early as 2016 when he initially sought options to have children, navigating legal barriers that would later be lifted in 2019, allowing single individuals to become legal parents through surrogacy.
The man, who currently lives in Kent, has long dreamed of fatherhood, having previously envisioned unconventional scenarios to achieve it, including the possibility of marrying a woman while maintaining relationships with men. His commitment to becoming a parent solidified further after he met his partner, who he was with for four years, even though their differing levels of enthusiasm for parenthood eventually led to their separation.
Following the breakdown of his relationship, he decided to pursue the surrogacy path alone, a choice he made within weeks of their split. He acknowledges that while he has not experienced stigma from his decision, he is aware that he is part of a minority group of single gay men seeking to start a family.
His exploration into surrogacy has included engaging with Surrogacy UK, attending events to connect with potential surrogates and build a network of supporters. Additionally, he joined My Surrogacy Journey (MSJ), a platform akin to dating apps that facilitates connections between intended parents and surrogates through algorithms.
A crucial aspect of his journey has involved navigating the specifics of surrogacy options—gestational vs traditional—and addressing medical considerations after discovering he is a carrier of cystic fibrosis. This finding necessitated the use of donor eggs screened for the cystic fibrosis gene, leading him to acquire a larger pack of donated eggs rather than a standard quantity.
While actively searching for a surrogate, he has faced challenges in receiving a match. Despite making connections, his journey has been marked by the understanding that the process can be highly selective, with many factors influencing the decisions of potential surrogates. He noted that the average time to find a compatible surrogate can stretch from 18 months to two years, with many hopeful parents facing additional hurdles such as failed transfers and miscarriages once a surrogate is found.
Financially, he has planned for this journey, having received an inheritance several years ago which he has earmarked for surrogacy expenses, allowing him to avoid the financial burden often associated with such processes. The costs associated with surrogacy in the UK, particularly the non-remuneration policy for surrogates, present their own unique challenges, especially when compared to higher costs found in countries like Mexico and the United States.
As he continues his quest to find a surrogate, he remains resolute in his aspiration to become a father. His reflections on the dynamics of fatherhood convey a deep longing, as he expresses that the joy derived from being a godparent does not compare to the envisioned experience of raising his own child. He articulates a belief that he is destined to be a father, reinforcing his commitment to do everything within his power to achieve this dream, despite the uncertainties and complexities involved in the surrogacy process.
Source: Noah Wire Services